Women读后感
Mihail Sebastian，罗马尼亚律师、作家，出生于1907年10月18日，于1945年5月29日因车祸不幸去世。
Women 是一本关于女性的小说，分四章讲述了一个男人Ștefan Valeriu和四个女人的故事。这本书是在小红书上看到张玫作家推荐的。张玫作家推荐这本书有两点：一是语言很美；二是其中一位女性关于「家」的描述。我从图书馆拿到手后，读起来真觉得这本书的语言像音符一样跳跃着。确实非常美。为作者驾驭文字的魅力惊叹不已。关于「家」，当交往的对象邀请书中的一位女性住在一起的时候，她坚持要有自己的「家」。这个家不仅是身体的居所，还是灵魂的自由之处。以下是她关于「家」的看法：
"It would have been hard to say why and hard for him to understand. I didn't even try. But I remained firm. I needed my own home, where I could be alone: a room where nobody could ever enter without knocking, a chest where I could lock away whatever I wished, four walls between which I could gather myself, at a remove from the world. A 'fortress mentality' was how you described it once and I didn't know what to say. But don't think this's what it is! I just know that I like my interior life, that my greatest pleasure is to return to it in the evening, and I've retained a very clear idea of home as a 'refuge' (the return of the prodigal son is the only passage in the Bible that has ever moved me) If I haven't ever let my life go to pieces, it's largely thanks to this room in which I'm writing to you today. By being here, I've held myself back so many times from doing crazy things, from losing my temper, from leaping before I looked... And the number of times I've returned here wounded, anxiety written on my face, my arms hanging by my side, unable to make sense of some disaster which had engulfed me, thinking my life was over. When you'd see me in the street a day or two later, I'd smile to myself, thinking how much personal damage lies beneath my calm exterior. Because you would congratulate me for my calmness and I was proud of it-for reasons other than those you image, believe me"
这段生动的表达简直概括了我关于独居想说的一切。
去年10月底，搬进曼哈顿上西区的公寓，我才开始真正意义上的独居。来美国前，我一直和父母一起居住。虽然曾也在别人的房子里独居过几个月，但因为不是自己租来的房子，家居陈设并不是自己挑选布置，所以谈不上真正的独居。
搬到上西区的公寓，办公桌、椅子、床、沙发等家具一点点摆弄。直到11月中旬，公寓才初具模样。某个周日午后，在空荡的公寓里，不禁感慨，独居纽约真是我最好的时光。
坐在这样的窗前办公，感觉仿佛拥有了全世界。
坐在这样的窗前办公，感觉仿佛拥有了全世界。也是在这个窗前，我写下关于关于纽约的文字。也不时感慨：如果在二十岁的时候，我就拥有这些该多好。
我的床甚至都谈不上床。为了避免在家办公懒惰，也为了美观，我选了chaise（躺椅）替代床。但是买到的躺椅不够长，睡觉的时候需要在把脚搭在椅子上。就那样竟睡了四个月。直到今年四月份，才出掉躺椅，换成沙发床。
升级后的「床」仍然算不上床
我尽量保持着公寓的空旷和极简。这是我租来的空间，用于承载我的身体和灵魂。我的睡眠、我的一日三餐、我的工作、我的代码课、我的健身操、我的放空时光。这个空间不应成为储藏室，也不应该让收拾和打扫占用我太多的时间。
到去年年底的时候，早上洗漱前，我准备早餐、听着纽约时报、回复工作信息的间隙，突然意识到，如果我有伴侣一起生活，我的这些都得收敛。我不会蓬头垢面在准备早餐，也不会把播客的声音开到最大，因为要考虑伴侣的感受。突然地，接纳一个人到自己的生活中，便有了牺牲一般的感觉。他得足够好，我得足够喜欢，我才愿意放弃独居的乐园。
夏天开始约会后，想到总有一天有人可能需要留宿的，总不能说，我连床都没有。9月物色到一张床垫。床架拖到现在还没有去下单。目前一个人的时候还是习惯睡沙发床。晚上铺床，早上需要复原成沙发，开始新的一天。
今天写在10月的最后一天，回顾搬到这里的这一年，从未有过任何不顺心。房东太太沟通非常让人舒服，从她那里我也学习了很多自己沟通需要提升的地方。公寓的邻居都是哥大的教授，偶尔碰面，都非常和善。如果非要说有什么不顺心，约会失意的几次可以算得上。但也恰是因为我的「精神堡垒」，失意时可以肆意放纵，伤心两天之后，爬起来又是完整的自己。
以下是本书的部分摘抄：
“I have always enjoyed watching Andrei eating and I think his greed is the only truly good thing in him, because (maybe I'm talking nonsense, but I'll tell you anyway) there's something childlike about a greedy man, something which tempers his roughness and self-importance and reduces the intimidating aspect of his masculinity. It's possible that simple, stupid women have managed to live their entire lives with great men, kings, generals, and geniuses just because they ate their dinners with them and had the image before them of petulant, hungry children and it was the only thing that made their majesty tolerable. "
"I've always been an oddball and a loner, always protected my freedom any time a woman tried to time me down. I'm a bachelor by nature and I hadn't understood until then how living with someone could be possible. I, who always lived for surprise and temporary arrangements, found the idea of coming across the same body with the same reactions every night absurd. Perhaps I could find some way to explain how Arabela made me abandon my vocation as a vagabond in love from our first moment together, but bother using psychology to explain something that happened so naturally and which I welcomed gladly? No, no, Arabela would laugh if she read such a thing.”
敬蓉
2022年10月31日夜
于纽约